Offering Forgiveness

Having explored the subject of receiving God’s forgiveness and living as those who have been forgiven, we now turn to the equally important and often more difficult task of offering forgiveness to others in a broken world. This dimension of forgiveness is crucial, not only for restoration of relationships but for our spiritual well-being and maturity.

Forgiveness is a delicate and deeply spiritual act. Until we have experienced the wonder of being truly forgiven, it is almost impossible to imagine extending that grace to someone else. Paul reminds us that we can only offer what we have received. Because we have received full and perfect forgiveness from God through Christ Jesus, we now have the divine ability to extend that same forgiveness to others, regardless of their merits.

This begins with acknowledging our shared brokenness. Humanity is flawed at the core, and even those who love us deeply will sometimes hurt us. We, too, will fail others. With this awareness, we must "make allowance" for one another's faults, as Colossians teaches. Expecting perfection from others is unrealistic; instead, we must approach all our relationships with humility, grace, and the readiness to release offence when it comes.

In Luke 17, Jesus says if someone offends you seven times a day and repents each time, you must forgive. Why seven? This is likely because it involves people close to us, such as family, friends, and coworkers, with whom we interact most. The ones who hurt us most are usually those closest to us. Still, Jesus calls us to forgive them, again and again, not because it’s easy but because it’s godly.

A common question arises: When should we forgive? Only when someone admits their wrong? Only when they ask for forgiveness or repent? The model Jesus gives us is clear: we are to forgive as the Lord forgave us (Colossians 3:13). This forgiveness was not conditional. It wasn’t based on our request; it preceded our repentance. It was wholly motivated by God’s love and mercy.

In the face of offence, it’s important to count the cost. We must first acknowledge the hurt and assess its impact on our hearts, our relationships, and our peace. However, doing this apart from the Word of God can easily lead to bitterness. We need God’s truth to give us perspective and to keep our hearts soft and open to healing.

Once we’ve prayerfully considered the offence, we may be led to confront the person in love. But before doing so, we must let God work His forgiveness in our hearts. Otherwise, our attempt at justice becomes vengeance. Forgiveness must precede confrontation so that our approach is redemptive, not punitive. True justice restores; it does not merely punish.

We see this beautifully in David’s story. When Nathan confronted David, God had already forgiven him. Though consequences remained, God’s desire was always restoration. The same is true for us. Jesus was chosen and slain before the foundation of the world. Forgiveness was God’s plan before we even sinned.

We must take our offences to God in prayer. In that sacred space, we remember the mercy we’ve received and are softened to extend it. As Timothy Keller notes, we cannot remain angry when we truly see ourselves as forgiven sinners. The cross strips us of superiority and reminds us that we all stand in need of grace.

In prayer, we also gain wisdom for addressing the offence, knowing when to speak, how to speak, and what outcome to seek. Some issues can wait; others need urgent attention. Some matters can be handled personally; others may require mediation. Through prayer, God equips us with discernment.

What if the offender is unrepentant? We can still release them in our hearts and trust God with the rest. Jesus forgave humanity on the cross while we were yet sinners. That is our model of grace and mercy. We choose to forgive, not because they earned it, but because we have been forgiven.

Some point to Luke 17:3 to suggest that forgiveness requires repentance. Yet Matthew 6 reminds us that if we do not forgive others, we risk forfeiting our own forgiveness. The parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21–35) reinforces this truth. God expects us to forgive others just as we’ve been forgiven, not according to their merit but in response to His mercy.

In prayerful fellowship with God, we process our pain honestly and by God’s grace choose to absorb the cost involved, just as Christ absorbed the cost of our rebellion. Forgiveness begins as a decision, not a feeling. Keller rightly says, "Forgiveness is granted before it is felt." We choose to forgive and trust God to align our hearts over time. As we yield to Him, our emotions eventually catch up to our obedience.

Unforgiveness reveals a lack of understanding of God’s mercy. It hardens us and hinders our relationship with Him. But when we grasp the depth of Christ’s mercy, we are empowered to extend it to others. Forgiveness becomes not just a spiritual obligation, but a heartfelt expression of gratitude to God.

When forgiveness has taken root in our hearts, we can confront others in truth and love. Whether or not they receive it, we can walk in freedom and peace. In some cases, like abuse or repeated harm, forgiveness includes necessary boundaries and protective action for the sake of others and ourselves. Offering forgiveness does not mean ignoring justice. It means seeking restoration over revenge.

May the Lord give us grace to forgive from the heart, just as He has forgiven us.